First Episode Psychosis
First Episode Psychosis is a diagnosis used when a person first starts to show signs of losing touch with reality. I had symptoms of psychosis in September 2024, when I had strong beliefs which snowballed after a financial scam hit my family, meanwhile I was just starting a new job.
I believed that my family was being attacked and at risk and I took on too much responsibility, and I felt under pressure to perform well. I initially started recieving treatment at home to manage the symptoms, but the delusional beliefs were getting worse, and so I decided to admit myself to Harplands Hospital to recieve treatment there.
I was very aprehensive about the treatment I was recieving and I believed all sorts of things. I was sectioned and put on a Section 2 and Section 3, I felt trapped and that I was locked in the hospital under the Mental Health Act. I thought that I was being controlled, and at times, I felt as though I had no free will and was just an actor in somebody's film.
Looking back at this now, I know that I wasn't thinking rationally and I made false connections with all sorts of things. Psychosis is certainty a strange disorder to have, but it is something I have overcome with time, and my journey has made me realise that I shouldn't put too much pressure on myself to be perfect because I am only human, and I can learn from my mistakes.
Losing Touch With Reality
Psychosis affected me in a number of ways. I am a determined person and always want to do the right thing. Unfortunately the good determination I have to put things right made me want to be responsible for things I haven't done. For instance, I believed that I was responsible for war crimes and I walked from the hospital to the police station to try and hand myself in! Of course, looking back it is easy to see that I was wrong, as I can rationalise my thoughts now, but at the time I strongly believed that I was right.
It's Okay to Not Be Okay
Through my time at Harplands, I have slowly realised that it's okay to not be okay. Normally, I would put a lot of pressure on myself to be okay even though I was not doing well mentally. I have learnt that my mental health is more important and should be prioritised.
Moving Forward
I am currently, an informal patient which means that I can spend more time away from the hospital which is good, and I am slowly re-intergrating back into society and engaging with the Early Intervention team. I recognise that I have needed more support for managing my mental health for a long time.